After having my fair share of dramatic relationships
and maturing into relationships that are something very different from the recklessness of young hearts abandoning themselves to love, I’ve discovered what it means to sit in an empowered, cooperative space with a partner.
Whatever style of partnership you're in, an empowered relationship will always have these 7 elements.
You Know You're In An Empowered Relationship When You Experience:
#1: Radical Honesty
Radical honesty is about telling the truth no matter what we think it will cost us. The truth about ourselves, the truth about what trigger us, the truth about what we are experiencing and why. It also means hearing these truths from our partner knowing it may reveal a deep rooted layer within self, that may need to be peeled away. When we show up to ourselves with this maturity and commitment, knowing that there is nothing ugly about our imperfections, we have an incredible opportunity to transform; thus will our partner and the relationship itself. There must be a dedication to truth at the very core from both you and your partner.
#2: Commitment to Self
This is very important. Like all the points in this article, you can't have one without the other. Well, you can, however it is the mix of them all within one container that makes for a magical elixir of empowered partnership. Self commitment means putting yourself first. Not in the egotistical, narcissistic, self absorbed kind of way, rather in the way where you are so committed to your own self worth, self care, and goals that you are deeply rooted in the center of your-self, liberated. This ties in with radical honesty because when we are honest with ourselves about where we need to take better care of ourselves, show up better to our commitments and goals, we know exactly where to bend, reach, and stretch to have a healthy sense of who we are. Our commitment to self, is our commitment to a better world in every way.
#3: Complete Transparency
When I speak about complete transparency, I am referring to emotional transparency directly associated with radical honesty. This means being fully transparent about our emotional needs, sexual desires, healthy sense of boundaries, and anything else that is necessary to maintain an open line of communication with our partner that cultivates trust. When we experience a true sense of trust with the ability to be fully expressed in who we are, we bring that into our relationships. Honest, transparent communication, opens the door to expansion, a greater level of trust then one may have ever known, and deep vulnerability.
#4: Deep Vulnerability
This is one of my favorites and can be one of the most exhilarating and unnerving aspects of an empowered relationship. An empowered relationship will take you deeper and higher then you have ever gone. It will evoke the sweet nectar of vulnerability which is our greatest strength. Our vulnerability is our soft side. This other than means weakness… in fact quite the contrary. True vulnerability requires great strength and courage because is commands (co-mmands: together, mutually in common) us to open our hearts with full transparency. It is in the vulnerability that we orgasm into a new level of love, trust, and self expression.
When I say discomfort I refer to the uncomfortable space that is always present within an empowered relationship. This uncomfortable space is the void within the unknown. Unlike our early years of reckless love where we map out our dreams, desperately clinging onto the future instead of rooted in the present, an empowered relationship is all about the present. It is about being right here, right now. It is the maturity in understanding that there is zero ownership in love. The only person we can control is ourself and the only dreams we can guarantee, is the dream to stay committed to truth, transparency, and vulnerability. And even then we may fall, but we keep getting back up, dusting ourselves off, wiping the tears away, pulling the armor off and continuing to do what makes us the most uncomfortable… being more honest, more transparent, and more vulnerable.
#6: Mandatory Talk Sessions
These can be really challenging. However, they are the glue (besides the sex) that holds it all together. Mandatory talk sessions means making sure, through verbal communication, that all agreements are in place, where any agreements may need to be renegotiated, where we may air out the dirty laundry, and where we get to put on the lenses of our partner and see what life looks like through their eyes. Where we get to hold the mirror together and objectively peer into what the other sees. These sessions bring us closer together because it is where all the pieces come together. It is also where we must maintain emotional levelheadedness.
Now, as an Irish/Italian from NY, I can tell you that my normal speaking tone is a few decibels higher then most so when I become impassioned my tone goes even higher. However, I am not yelling although some may mistake it as yelling, I am simply expressing with passion. I bring this up because without editing who I am, I must also be cognizant of how my tone effects another and so this is true for any talk session. We must be cognizant of our emotional landscape and stay as calm, kind, compassionate and loving as possible. These sessions will require dedication and commitment to both the betterment of self and (very important) to the betterment of the relationship as a whole. It is where any and all resolutions will take place.
Last but certainly not least, an empowered relationship will always bring resolution. Resolution within self, for self, and for the container that is the relationship. Plain and simple there will other then ever be a time in an empowered relationship that we will walk away feeling un-resolved. And by walking away I mean many things… whether it is a completed conversation that we are finished with and walk away from as an individual, it does not always mean that we walk away from the relationship itself. When we sit in the quite solitude of who we are after having had a talk session with our partner, lover and friend, we have resolution. Whether it be insight into where we need to grow, new agreements, new ways of being discovered, the point is that there is resolution. Resolution is liberating.
Liberated in life. Liberated in love.